Relations. Virtually all of us are in one, or at some stage, have been.
In the early days things are great. The birds are singing, the sun seems brighter than ever before, the stars twinkle brighter than before ... is smiles all round.
A great feeling.
But with the passage of time, often relationships can struggle, people grow apart, change of interest ...
Individuals, couples, partners can move away from each other - not necessarily the fault of people. In reality, the blame lies with both sides often, but not accept it, and perhaps secretly or subconsciously blame the other person.
When life starts to drag, the excitement seems to have been discharged, a routine can be tedious and even annoying, it's incredibly easy to be 'stuck in a rut', or languish in the 'comfort zone'.
Spontaneity becomes just a word that appears only in a crossword puzzle, rather than a spark to rekindle a relationship.
The sizzle turns into a simmer, then a shudder.
Perhaps the pressure of work, bills and mortgages, or perhaps babies, children, schools, colleges, universities, examinations, traffic jams, age creeping on you, peer pressure, jealousy .... the grass greener ...
The fact is that it is common for not being able to put my finger on any single event or cause, which causes the failure of a relationship. E 'is often a continuous chain of events, often when a person is completely unaware of the problems that spiral in the most serious problems.
E 'at this point, when the issues become a big threat.
Perhaps one of the 'parts' is not aware of their actions, they can only stumble into or onto, someone else.
BANG. - Sparks fly - that long lost feeling resurfaces, chills down the back of the neck, the excitement, pleasurable attention which has been hurt for so long at home.
Before you know - are out to start a hidden, secret affair behind his back.
In the early days of a report, the guilt is very high, but over time, this dissipates gradually to the point where simply do not give a damn about you anymore.
Do not get me wrong, they will still pretend everything is OK - I love you still, of course, but slowly make small, small changes one at a time, you probably do not realize, or maybe you do, but well-prepared answers and excuses seem to work on you.
All the time, you forget ... Or are you?
nagging doubts ??... Questioning actions ??... something wrong ??... Changes in routine ??... It seems strange ??... Hidden whispers ??...
The worst comes when you face the other person, only to be told "... you're stupid ...", or" ... of course I still love ... "or" ... if you loved me , trust me ... "
This would then leave you feeling worse, self-doubt and uncertainty.
You are now in a dilemma ... a dilemma ... A vicious cycle of doubt, that starts with you being unsure, but afraid to question as this could lead to problems - or even drive the other person away from you.
This alone could drive you crazy.
You start to look the other person differently, and their friends. Which of them know each other? Who is involved? About the affair with? And 'someone you know? And 'one of your friends?
There is, or there's something sleazy going on? You've been stabbed in the back? Are your friends betray you? Who can trust or talk?
It 's a nightmare.
At this point, the wrong move could completely ruin your relationship, especially if there really is not any seedy affair going on, and your partner is faithful ... Maybe it's just your imagination, perhaps you have been paranoid ... but maybe not.
Can you see the paradox?
There is no immediate solution, no magic pill ... It 's all a question of how to deal with the situation ... if the situation is all in your head ... or something more.
The key is to prevent this from happening in the first place ... But sometimes this is easier said than done.
To avoid following a plan. One that you would be surprised how many people ignore.
1. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
2. Never take your partner for granted.
3. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
4. Be spontaneous - occasionally and randomly. Do not try to do it regularly, that simply is not spontaneous, right?
5. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
6. Take a step back and then ... Take a good look ... Making the point ... Count your blessings.
7. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
Have you seen a development framework?
Communicating does not mean talk to them ... it is to speak with them ... Listening to them ... Listen to what they say ... Understanding ... Compromising.
And if he's past that stage - be very careful how you deal with issues.
Sometimes it might be better to ignore things, put out of my head - sometimes you just have to know the truth before all the guide you're crazy.
© 2005 Gary Durkin
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