Being a victim Emotional

None of us like to think of ourselves as victims. The term "victim" brings to mind an image of a pathetic person who is powerless. Therefore, it comes as a shock to many of us to understand how often we allow ourselves to be victims emotionally. Having advised individuals, couples, families and business partners for 35 years, I know that many of us are victims most of the time without realizing it.

We were victims at any time give another person the power to define our value. We were victims at any moment we approve, sex, property, a substance or activity is responsible for our feelings of happiness and friendliness. We were victims at any moment we can blame another for our feelings of fear, anger, grief, loneliness, jealousy, disappointment, and so on. Whenever we choose to define ourselves outside, we are handing away power to others and therefore we are controlled by their choices. When we choose to define ourselves internally through our connection with our spiritual guide, we move to power and personal responsibility. When sincerely want to know our own intrinsic value and whose behavior is in our highest good, and we ask the Spirit, we receive a response. Many people do not realize how easy it is to receive answers from a spiritual source. The answers will open minds in words or images, or responses will occur through your feelings when your sincere desire is to learn.

We always have two choices: we can try to find our happiness, peace, security, friendliness and value through people, things, activities, and substances, or you may feel joyous, peaceful, secure, loving and worthy through the link with a spiritual source of love and compassion - taking loving care of ourselves and love others.

Every time we choose to find our happiness and security through others, then we must try to control them to give us what we want. Then, when they come through in the way we hoped, we are victims of their choices.

Here's an example: Don and Joyce are in a continuous power struggle over how to handle their children. Joyce tends to be authoritarian, while Don is fairly liberal. When Joyce gets frustrated with parenting Don yells at him in general about its permissiveness. Don Joyce often listen to rant and rave about him. Sometimes it goes on for over an hour and just listen. Then, when he tries to talk to her, he refuses to listen. Don then feels victim, complaining of how Joyce and cries and refuses to listen.

When I asked Don in a counseling session with him because he sits and listens Joyce said he hoped that if he heard his would listen. I asked him if he does ever heard during these conflicts, and he replied "No"

"Why do you need her to listen?"
"I want to explain to her why I did what I did with the children."
"Why do you need to explain to her?"
"So you will not be angry with me."

Don leaves scolded by Joyce as his way of trying to control Joyce, hoping to make her approve of him. Then he tried to explain to further control how she feels about him. When you do not listen, you hear the victim screaming, blaming her for being angry that a person who controls it.

If Don were willing to take responsibility for the approval of himself through his connection with his superior force, he would not listen to Joyce when he was yelling at him. Instead, it would set a limit against being scolded, saying only he would listen when he spoke of him with respect and only when it was open to learn with him. But as long as it has to approve him to feel safe and worthy, not set this limit. Until Don open his spiritual guide for his safety and value, instead of delivering the work of Joyce, is a victim of his unloving behavior.

Taking responsibility for our feelings of value through the development of kindness and our spiritual connection, that instead of giving work to others, we move out of lives in being and personal power.

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