The difference between approval and appreciation

Having worked with individuals, couples, families and business partners for 35 years, helping them learn to resolve conflicts, I have often faced the difficulties that occur when people are confused about the difference between approval with appreciation. Ever wonder the difference between approval and appreciation? Most of us have never really thought about it, but if we think, we realize that we feel very differently when we receive approval as opposed to receiving appreciation. There are good reasons for this.

The approval is something that gives a wound, the control of us. The approval requires the other person show in the way we want or expect. Approval is manipulative - that is, they give a result in mind. We hope that the other person will continue to do what we want, as a result of recognition.

Visitor, unlike others, is something that we all love from a place inside - what I call the Adult love. It comes from the heart and has volunteered as wells heart with feelings of joy, wonder, joy, or love for another way of being. Praise has more to do with the essence of a person rather than performance. We appreciate a person's core Self, who are really the result of who they are rather than what they do and their performance. Yours sincerely, no attachment to the result, expect that others should or will continue to play. Praise is a true gift.

Often, when someone says he wants appreciation or do not feel appreciated, what they are really seeking is approval. And 'the wounded part of them do not feel seen and appreciated within - not to see and enjoy themselves so that they need others to feel worthy. The wounded self of the individual projects forward the inner need to be seen, understood and appreciated by others and pulling to get this need met. Every time I hear someone say that they feel valued, know that their essence - their inner child - is not seen and loved by their inner adult.

When we are giving ourselves the attention and appreciation that we need and then we receive appreciation from others, feels wonderful but is the icing on the cake, not the cake. When it becomes the same cake, then we need to look inward and recognize that we delivered to others to define and validate our worth and amiability.

When you share something about yourself with the intent to obtain approval, attention or appreciation, can not bring himself to share with other people. Instead they feel pulled to validate you. When you share something about yourself with the intention of offering something to others, it feels like a gift. This is clearly illustrated in the wonderful film, Good Will Hunting. In this film, the therapist played by Robin Williams, shares much personal information about himself with his client Will, a young man angry and resistant. The shared, not because he wanted or needed anything back, but purely to help Will feel safe in opening to their pain.

We can challenge ourselves to be aware of our intent when we offer positive feedback for others - is a true gift or have strings attached? And we challenge ourselves to be aware of our intentions when we share things about ourselves - we are giving or trying to achieve? Give for not feeling well to others who are at the other end of the shot, and get what we want from others feels good only for the moment, but ultimately tiring for us. It 'hard to be always trying to get others to do what we need to give ourselves.

Give the appreciation and sharing of ourselves from a loving heart, without getting anything in return, you always feel wonderful and exciting for us and for others.

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